How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
a 17yo who's sometimes very mature probably
Which is worse, failing or never trying?
never trying. Although some fails can make you wish to have never tried
If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Because we're scared that if we just throw everything away and just go do the things we want to do, we'll end up somewhere worse. We grow up following certain schemes because we think that if we do that we're safe
When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Currently I'm afraid yes
What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
I'd want to end the suffering of each and every living being. I'd want to change the world so everyone would be content with their lives
If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Learning new things because I want to. Getting obsessed with random things and then just acting on that obsession, even if it's just a temporary high
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I'm not doing what I 'believe in' 24/7, but I haven't settled either. I'm still figuring out what to believe in to some extent. But the things that I know I believe in, I am trying my best to do
If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I wouldn't go to university and study and hope that, after finding a job and earning money, I'll have enough time and money left to travel and do the things I love. I'm too scared to just see where the wind blows me now and I don't think I'd be more likely to if I knew I wouldn't live that long. I'd probably just be more anxious that my time's running out
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Well there is the exchange year that I insisted on doing and did. But other than that, I've pretty much done what was expected - school. But so many little decisions form differences in each of our lives that I'd say I have controlled it quite a bit, I just don't know at what point
Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the right things. I'm terribly scared of being horribly wrong
You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Defend her, shyly and quietly at first and then, depending on the reaction I get, I'd keep doing it. I might admire someone, or respect someone, but if they have shitty views or personalities, why would I agree with them?
If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Never ever ever let your happiness depend on other people. Live for yourself, not for them and their opinions of you
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Yes. My own capabilities aside, if I had to save someone I love I'd happily spend the rest of my life in prison just so I know they're safe
Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
Getting poetic, huh? I don't know. Maybe. I can't remember
What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
I experience a lot of things way more emotionally than others do. I automatically start putting myself in others' places, I just can't help it
How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because we all have different experiences and interests and stories. What is a beautiful, happy place to me could trigger the trauma of somebody else
What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What's holding you back?
Currently the one thing I overwhelmingly want to do is pin one certain person to a wall - or vice versa, I don't care. What's holding me back? Morals and nonexistent consent
Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
I had this friend once. And I like to think that I let go of her, but every so often, she just crosses my mind and I wonder how she's doing. And then I feel like I still haven't been able to bring myself to let her go
If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
I'd move to Finland because of my friends there and because I've always been just a visitor. You don't expect visitors to do anything. They're just there, nobody is really expecting anything of them except maybe polite behaviour and such. I liked that feeling. Being the visitor. Not being expected to do or be anything
Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
No I don't. No I don't.
Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
The latter. Because even if I had the IQ of a loaf of bread - if that meant I'd be forever happy, I'd agree
Why are you, you?
Because my mother's and father's chromosomes combined in the unique way that resulted in me. And here's all the unique experiences I've made, situations I've gone through in my own individual way and so on and so on
Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Not always. But for the past few years, I've done my best to be a friend I would want to have
Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Losing touch with someone close to you. You're constantly reminded of what you had. I have friends who live miles away and while I do miss them, we're still friends. It's okay even though they're so far away
What are you most grateful for?
My priviledge. I have the priviledge to live life as a woman in the western world, to have parents supporting me, to have food and clothes. I face no oppression due to my race. I'm living a life with benefits that I have but don't necessarily need while somewhere else, there's people who would kill for a bottle of clean water
Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
I don't know. This makes me cry
Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
I guess so, but challenging something is nearly always a good thing in my opinion
Has your greatest fear ever come true?
If I knew what my greatest fear was, I could tell you. Since I believe that my greatest fear is to be alone with nobody to stand by me, luckily no, it hasn't
Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
Yes I do and yes, for me, it does still matter in a way
What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
I think one of my happiest childhood memories that I can think of right now is how I had one of these plastic baby chairs that I would sit in and my grandma would ask me to say "screw" because the little table-thing on that chair had visible screws. I'd always pronounce it wrong and be completely delighted when she said "No, screw!" with a laugh. It's special because it's so ridiculous but it made me so genuinely happy to say that word wrong
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
When I shaved the sides of my head, did my make-up and danced around my room in fancy underwear at 3am singing "Paradise City" and "Hit me with your best shot" in front of my mirror
If not now, then when?
I don't know and that scares me
If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
I have to lose my feeling of security. And I am so fucking scared of that
Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
The religions are not the problem. It's the people and their way of thinking that by believing in one god or the other, they're superior. It's not the religion, it's people being part of that religion that are behaving like a bunch of bigoted idiots
Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
No. The world isn't black and white. Imagine a man raped 200 little kids, traumatized and emotionally scarred the majority of them. Somebody murders him for his crimes. He deserved it, right? But murder is a bad thing, isn't it? It's near impossible to figure out what is good and evil under which circumstances sometimes. Other times, it's perfectly clear
If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
Depends on what my job would be. If I liked it, no. If I only had it to keep my head above the water, yes
Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
If I enjoy doing it, why not? It's not like I'd be working 24/7
Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
No, because they're not making grave changes in the Matrix right now. But other than that, so many days are so similar. It can be tiring, but if every day were a wild ride from start to finish, that would be even more straining
When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
I don't really know. I'd say when I decided to consciously become a feminist, although that's still a work in progress because I'm still informing myself on the topic
If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
I'd invite everyone to my house and let them bring whomever they wanted. I'd throw a party because I'd want everyone to have a good time once more. Also if I'd be surviving while literally everyone I knew died, I'd probably end up killing myself too
Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
No. I don't depend on the fact if people find me attractive and fame would probably be fun for a while but then it'd piss me off to no end
What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Being alive is to notice that the ocean is lying before you. Living is to jump into the water and swim with the fish
When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
When it comes to emotional things
If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Because we learn that there's consequences following a mistake and that the consequences are bigger depending on how big of a mistake you made
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I'd be on my knees in front of some people, begging them to be my friend. figuratively speaking
When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
right now thanks to this damn question
What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love drawing. I love writing. I love my friends and my family and I love to just be. recent actions, uhh... I drew a picture and I wrote. And I hug people a lot. Does that count?
In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
No I won't. Nothing happened during these days. I'll vaguely remember this time of my life as the time I played that one game or the time I was in love with that person more than at a different time. Also, I'm more or less keeping a journal, so if I read that, I might remember certain things
Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I'm trying to make them myself although sometimes, I just leave it to others, so if it's a fuck-up in the end, it won't be my fault
Listening to: Welcome To Night Vale